So this happened recently, and I have got to say it was one of funnier moments that I have with Alex. I had the brilliant idea that we should try to spice things up, and this is not my husband’s forte. There’s nothing wrong with it, but often times it leads to very peculiar situations.
Me: Hey… talk nerdy to me.
Alex: Beg pardon?
Me: Go ahead, sweet talk me with your nerd lingo.
He takes a long pause to consider the situation. While he is a romantic, having to do it on the spot causes for horribly awkward situations. After a few moments, he speaks up.
Alex: Baby, I want to put my skyward sword into your water temple.
Me: … What?
Alex: HYAH! HAAAAAHT!
Me: Uh, try again.
Alex, thinking much faster this time, gives a goofy, sexy grin.
Alex: I wanna squirtle on your jigglypuffs. (Then, in a very deep voice) JIGGLY!
Me: Are you going to take this seriously?
I’m beginning to shake my head in wonder and amazement. I’m trying not to chuckle, because it might encourage him, but my mind begins to race. How the fuck can I get him to take this somewhat seriously?
Me: How about some role play?
Alex: That’s right up my alley. What class should I be and what level are we starting at?
Me: Class? Level? What the fuck are you talking about?
He then goes into a very long dialogue about all the different dungeons and dragons classes. I used to play, but it has been over six years and I’m a little rusty.
Alex:… And I’m going to need to know what level because I need to know if it’s an introduction campaign or if we’re jumping into an epic one. It doesn’t make that much of a difference, but I need to know what kind of established canon we’re getting into before I commit to my guy’s backstory.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?
He looks at me, as if I’ve just asked him how a toilet is supposed to flush. He throws his hands in the air and rolls his eyes at me.
Alex: What. Class. Am. I. Going. To. BE?
Oh sweet fucking Jesus, he’s taking this seriously.
Me: You can be a barbarian….. and I’ll be a Paladin I guess?
I thought this would work, but I accidently lit another powder keg. Alex goes into another long dialogue, but this time extremely pissed off. Apparently Paladins are naturally chaste and lawful, not whoring themselves out to other explorers.
I didn’t give it two thoughts, but apparently this is something he thinks about far more often than he should.
So I’m a paladin, level 7. With huge tits that he can’t touch for two weeks, because of mother fucking roleplaying.
Not only did I not get lucky, but he gave me homework. I have to read the mother fucking D&D handbook so I can understand his fucking foreplay.
Anyone else try spicing things up and have it backfire horribly on you? Any similar situations with talking nerdy? Please tell me I’m not alone.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE.