And The Internet Demanded More Goats

If anyone here reads Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy, they will know that Aussa was recently proposed to and has gotten engaged.  And also, that she has a healthy obsession with goats.

Since she’s a famous blogger now and since this is the internet, we bloggers have come up with a horribly hilarious prank for the lovely Aussa.

Maurna and I should never be allowed to talk on the phone again because of this.  She called me, and we were talking about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness, when we got on the topic of Aussa.  No idea how.  Mostly we were gushing about how we felt she really deserved happiness after the hell she was put through from her ex.

Then I said, “You know what would be funny?  If we sent her an ass load of goats and said, ‘Since you’re worth more than ten goats, have the boyfran give this to your dad as a dowry payment.’  I mean, how ridiculously hilarious would that be?”

To which Maurna started to laugh.  She then posed the question, in her sultry dark chocolate voice*, “Could you imagine her face if we sent all these goat plushies, just trickling in, and her just staring at them like, ‘What the fuck?  Why am I getting all these fucking goats?’”

There was a beat of silence… Then… “OH MY GOD WE SHOULD DO IT!”

So then we went into details.  We considered doing a Kickstarter campaign, doing something on Indiegogo, and every possible way to get her goats.  Since Maurna has Aussa’s address, and after emailing an assload of bloggers, we came to a consensus of mailing the goats to Maurna, who then has been forwarding them to Aussa.

Every blogger we contacted that responded was more than game for it.  We had every blogger try to recruit more bloggers and everyone has been having a hayday with the planning of the goats.

We were all sending subtle hints to Aussa about the goats.  People have been posting all over her facebook with stuff such as goat pictures, goat videos, most bloggers have been leaving comments about goats.
We were trying to warn her of the impending wave of goats her way.  Either she knew this entire time and kept to herself, or we scared the shit out of her, making her think she had an internet stalker.

We can see everything...

We can see everything…

So when the internet is called upon for goats… the internet is always willing.  Because goats are nearly as popular as cats.

So, my lovely Aussa, happy engagement.  We want you to know that we think you’re worth hundreds of goats, and that’s the goal.  To send you around 100 goat plushies.  And possibly a goat costume, because that’d be incredibly sexy on your honeymoon.

How sexy would this be?

How sexy would this be?

 

Want in on this prank?  The wishlist for Aussa’s goat prank is here.  Also, Debbie from More Than Sweet Potatoes is also doing a charity in Aussa’s name and she will be posting about it here. 

What’s the best prank you’ve pulled on someone?

 

*I should explain Maurna’s voice.  She has a deep voice, kind of monotone, and the type of voice that you expect someone would use to get into your pants.  It’s unnerving and awesome all at the same time.

I also should mention that none of this would have happened without Maurna’s awesome organizational skills.  I’m great with ideas, but horrible with execution.  Maurna was the one who emailed the bloggers, made the wish list, and took the time to mail the goats to Aussa.  So Maurna, thank you SO MUCH for all the time you put into this.  I owe you big time ❤

 

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That Was Beautiful… In a Serial Killer Kind of Way

Recently, during my most impossible bout of insomnia, I decided to do what I normally do in times of insomnia.

  1. Internet, usually Gaia online playing stupid games and trolling the forums
  2. Rereading blog entries from Cursitivity and Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy. (they are my blog crushes, but don’t tell them)
  3. Doing things that gave me bad ideas from said blogs

Since Cursivity wasn’t really giving me any ideas to troll people or find any blogging gold at that exact moment (Sorry Maurna, maybe next time :P), HNHS did not disappoint.

I’ve read this same entry from Aussa on several occasions, mostly talking about the other folder on facebook.  This particular post, the fact that the guy said she was worth ten goats, just rustles my jimmies in the best way.

My jimmies are sufficiently rustled.

My jimmies are sufficiently rustled.

I went through this folder before and found messages from old friends from high school who had been trying to contact me for a while, and I felt awful because I couldn’t remember who these ladies were.  Then I remembered and I was extremely excited to be talking to these people for the first time in 6+ years.

But I decided to go back to around 2010, and I found this horrifically creepy message.

I should probably explain this back story.

Back when AIM was cool, I would meet random people in chat rooms.  Probably not the brightest idea, but I’ve met some really cool people this way.  Hell, I technically met my husband on Plenty of Fish, but that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, I was living in Alaska and this guy was talking about moving to Alaska, and via text box, I was convinced he was my long lost soul mate.

Then I skyped with him.

This is why Skype is amazing, it lets you hear their voice and get a better idea about the creepy factor.

This guy was living at home with his parents at age 23, he didn’t have a job because he lied for his friend and was clocking his friend in an hour before the guy would actually show up to work, blamed the company for requiring someone to be on time to work, wasn’t going to school at all, and was just… Oh, whiney?

The bottom line about this whole thing was that he wasn’t my prince charming.  In fact, the internet tricked me into deluding myself into thinking that this guy across the country might be perfect because I knew little to nothing about him.  Ah, the dangers of the internet.  So, after the fateful skype call, I blocked him.

I realized I was friends with him on Facebook, so I deleted him on there as well.  But I did not block.

I never heard from him again… or so I thought.

Fast forward to last week, after reading 50+ posts between HSNS and Cursivity, when I decide to go through my other folder again.

This guy, shortly after I deleted him, sent me this message.

This is the face off to my own thoughts of what I’ve lost.  Reflection of yearning that lead to my demise is now this dreaded feeling I despise.  Could I have made this mistake while I looked you in the eyes?  This is my current anchored haze, as my mind is set astray.  Sanity.

This pristine pain is a mask of lost love that I’ve sustained.  It’s a mark of courage for the minutes of discourage.  It’s this tender embrace, just like the feel of your hand gently gliding across my face to cause this mass appeal.

This possession of mine is hastily plundered by the greedy hands of time.  These memories confine my being to a lonely mind.  Grudged thoughts are branded to my heart; where pain has wasted not.  Between dusk and dawn I face off against my thoughts.  To the reflection off my demise brought on by this disguise.  Sanity was all part of my mask of lies.

This rush, this subtle pain is overwhelming as it floods my brain.  The clock keeps ticking but the world around me keeps in a stance as I wait, hoping for a bit of promise for you and me.

 

Beautifully written… but it came off as serial-killerish to me.  He had never even met me in person.  Ever.

Naturally, I do the first thing that comes to mind.

I totally and completely spam Aussa’s facebook page.  Because that’s the obvious thing to do, right?

I kind of do this more than I should, and I’m sure that in her private study, whenever I message her about horribly awkward situations and telling her my embarrassing moments that I can never post on my blog because my mom and grandma read this, I’m sure she’s thinking, “Jesus, is this girl ever going to stop being so annoying and weird?”  But she’s far too nice to say anything, so I just roll with it.

So when I spammed the hell out of Aussa’s facebook, we were in a debate as to who had the creepiest message—my serial killer message, or her ten goat message.

She and I did come to a consensus that the Facebook other folder is blogging gold though.

Which is why I love the blogging community.

So, internets, should I respond to the four year old email that is just creepy as all get out? What are your thoughts?  Let me know in the comments!

 

I also want to thank Aussa and Maurna for letting me mention their blogs in this post.  I’m not doing it for the publicity of being attached to their blogs… I swear…

Five Truths, One lie. Which One Won’t Set You Free?

A while back, the lovely Aussa Lorens posted a blog about an online game where you tell six statements, five of them true, one is false.  I was trying to figure out some weird facts about myself, and after a couple of months of thinking, I actually realized I’m more interesting than I originally thought.  Huzzah!

So here’s the deal.  These are six different statements.  One of them is false.

Tell me which ones you think are true, and which one is the lie.  GO!

 

  1.  When I was ten years old, I puked on a real piece of the Titanic.

    Puke. Everywhere.

    Puke. Everywhere.

  2. I once met Willie Nelson at a charity concert, not knowing it was him until over a month later.

    Except the beard was more epic

    Except the beard was more epic

  3. When I was really mad at one of my old bosses, I purposely screwed up the inventory so my manager was required to take a two day class on how to properly do inventory.  She wasn’t allowed to turn me in because I wasn’t supposed to be doing it in the first place.

    Just a little paperwork, I swear

    Just a little paperwork, I swear

  4. I lost my first kiss when I was nearly 19 years old.

    Except way older

    Except way older

  5. I moved to Alaska when I was 18 because my mom told me I should go.

    Best. Bet. Ever.

    Because who wouldn’t go here?

  6. I’m distantly related to my husband in at least two different ways.

    Enough said.

    Enough said.

So tell me internet, which one of these is a lie?  Which ones are true?