Why He’s The Bra Guru: A Marital Dispute

In honor of save the tatas month, I have decided to write a post about my boobs.  And about how Alex and I have the same fight all the time.  Here’s a snippet of this particular fight.

Me: Hey, Alex?  For the love of God, stop grabbing my boobs.

Alex: But that’s what they’re there for.  That’s my God given right for being your husband.  I get to grab boobs all the time.

Me: But you’re breaking the wires in my bras trying to go under the bra.  And you’re stretching out the cups so they don’t keep their shape.

Alex: Then stop wearing bras. Problem solved. Now let’s move on to something more difficult like the Ebola crisis.

Me: NO!  If I stop wearing bras, then my boobs will get saggy.

Alex: I’ll just hold up your boobs. Check mate.

Except it's my boobs.

Except it’s my boobs.

Me: You can’t just walk around behind me holding my boobs up all day.

Alex: I’ll do it for you, as a sign of my undying love. Challenge accepted!




Alex:  I’m not the sole reason they break. After all, your bras wouldn’t break all the time if you didn’t wear them.

Me: My bras wouldn’t break if you would stop grabbing my boobs all the time.

Alex: I don’t get why you wear bras all the time anyway.  They always break after five months or so.

Me: They would last a year if you stopped grabbing my boobs!

Alex: Well, you’ve established that I’m your “bra guru”, I’ll help you find new ones when the time comes.

Me: The time comes way sooner than it should since you keep breaking them!

Alex: But I am driven by a desire to grab boobs, and I have sworn to only grab yours as a sign of love and respect.

Me: I appreciate the dedication, but you need to stop grabbing my boobs all the time.


So we came to a compromise.  I smack his hand until he stops.  And he doesn’t stop and barks at me when his hand gets raw from me smacking his hand all the time. Which then I tell him…

“Alex?  For the love of God, stop grabbing my boobs.”

Thus the cycle begins again.

Does your spouse have overy grabby hands?  Does your boyfriend or husband grab your boobs all the time and no matter what you say or do, your boobs seem like magical magnets that nobody can resist? Let me know in the comments!

12 thoughts on “Why He’s The Bra Guru: A Marital Dispute

  1. Look.The reality is when a guy talks to a Girl, The guys eyes talk to the boobs,Always and Every time.They are magnets first they act on the eyes and when the mind knows that its a gf or wive’s boobs then the magnets act on the hands,and yes the magnetic field is so string that it can not deviate the hands from the mean path of ultimate grabbing and nipple playing.and its completely legitimate because its a true sign of the true love we have for the boobs(read spouse).This true love is far away from lust and does not mean we need sex.It just a show of love and some naughtiness.

    • I hope you’ll find this interesting– the current scientific theory is that larger mammaries (boobs, breasts) came about as to encourage face-to-face copulation, compared to other primates (that apparently tend to do it doggystyle).

      I might not be remembering all the details precisely, but they also suggested that both genders liked to look at them, whether they were willing to admit it or not.

  2. I think you know how I feel about touching. I do relax the rules a bit for my bf (when I have one) but I do not allow my body to be grabbed. Not even by my bf. I’m not a piece of meat.

  3. My husband is much the same way but not to the point of busting my bras…of course I rarely wear bras at home, which he loves. His big turn on is me cleaning without a bra on. lol Those of us with big boobs just have to give in to the fact that they will sag unless we go get implants. It’s just a truth. So I say, go bra-less at home, why the hell not!?

    • I think it’s a military thing— if I clean with no bra and short shorts it’s a guarantee for sexy time. But not until after I have the toothbrush out cleaning the grout.

      It’s awesome and frustrating all at once.

  4. Does your spouse have overy grabby hands?

    I’d describe it as “touchy-feely”. That doesn’t necessarily mean gropes and fondles. She used to take my arm herself and put it around her, before we got married. I’ve gotten her to ask more, which is nice. Consider too that I had to remind her mother to do the same; for her to clear her throat and to look at me funny never sufficiently told me, “Hey, gimme a hug.”

    Between Cimmorene and my children, I’m never touch deprived. They want tactile contact not just for fatherly/husbandly affection, but also for affirmation. My son is especially this way, or at least he very much was when he was younger. It’s incredibly empowering.

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