So I went to a job fair earlier this week in Shreveport. I’m trying more and more to get myself out there so that I can have a shot at doing something with my nearly completed degree— but I’m finding it’s really difficult to do. I’m getting to the point of applying for everything because I just need a job.
Which is something I don’t mind. I like to stay busy, and I can only write so much. Between writing a short book and half way through rewriting it, I need to get out of the house so I can write more for this blog and come up with more horribly awkward stories.
I was finally able to attend a panel interview for one of the casinos, and I was really excited because it has taken me forever and a day to finally get noticed by the casinos. I was extremely excited. Practically dancing.
So I show up to the interview, resumé and college transcripts in my hands, white knuckled with my hair straightened and my make up making me look like a mature adult. I was so ready for this.
We all get in the order they want us to get in, and the Human Resources woman stands up in front of us.
“Good Afternoon, congrats on getting to the Panel Interview. You’re going to give us a thirty second introduction, telling us why we should hire you, then do a celebrity impersonation. We want to see how outgoing you are. We are the best, so we only hire the best. You have thirty minutes.”
I was the second person to go, and I was terrified.
Now, I should clarify. I was on the speech team for four years, so the public speaking part wasn’t really a big deal. But whenever I gave my eight minute long speeches, I would spend hours practicing each part, figuring out exactly how I was going to move my hand, how high or low my voice was, and so on. Anyone who was on the speech team knows exactly what I’m talking about— even in improv there wasn’t a lot of improve—everything has some sort of preparation.
So I’m talking to the women around me, and I had no idea what to do. Here’s the gist of the conversation.
Woman 1: Celebrity impersonation? Could I do Dr. Phil maybe?
Me: YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! Wait, that’s Maury…
Woman 2: You could just be a crazy woman claiming that he’s the father (while pointing to the only man on the panel)
Woman 1: As hilarious as that would be, probably not the best idea. Maybe I could do Miley Cyrus.
Me: What would you do? Just go up there and twerk?
The three of us start laughing hysterically, giving us very strange looks from everyone in the room. By the way, there was about 30 of us at the panel for an interview.
Woman 2: Do you think we could just go up there and sing a song of a favorite musician?
Me: I think I’m just going to do Robert DeNiro— You talkin’ to me? Are you, talkin’ to me? FOCKER!
Woman 1: I’m not sure what I’m going to do.
We talked a bit more, doing more random impersonations. Unfortunate for me, the song “Don’t Stop Believin” was stuck in my head. It was seriously the only song I could even think of.
The first woman goes and is friendly and does a cute impersonation, but I tried to really set the mood.
When I walked up there, I felt my stomach churning. They look at me and say, “Alright ma’am, why should we hire you?”
I go on a ramble about how I’m educated and well-traveled and I’ve worked in customer service and I’m a fast learner, then I finish my rant with saying, “And I’m not easily embarrassed, which I shall prove by singing you a Journey song.”
To which I sing, “DON’T STOP! BELIEVIN! HOLD ON TO THAT FEELINNNNNNNNNNGGG!”
Then I froze, because the entire room went completely silent. It was a huge room, and I had to sing at the top of my lungs just to be heard. But I forgot how well my voice carries. The maintenance guys 100 feet away stopped to hear me sing.
I felt my cheeks turn red, I’m glued to my spot, then I hear one clap and I quickly run back to my spot as applause bursts out.
A woman a few seats down tells me that I have quite a bit of soul for a white girl. No idea if that’s a compliment or not.
The woman sitting next to me and does her bit, then says, “I’m going to do Miley Cyrus, wrecking ball.” Then she began to twerk then yelled “I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!” while twerking towards the front table.
I would like to point out, this woman was old enough to be my mother. Laughs all around.
Everyone did something different, but each person was trying to outdo everyone else, so my little song didn’t do too well. I did not make it to the next panel.
The reason why?
“You came off as very shy. Try to loosen up next time. Also, you should apply for jobs that don’t require experience.”
So I went home and did the dishes. Alex nearly had a heart attack.
And that, my friends, is the most awkward, yet awesome, job interview that I’ve ever had.
Maybe next time I’ll do the opening hysterical bit from The Producers.
Ever have a job interview that you were not prepared for? Anything you think I could have improved on? Ever been asked to do something for people that you had no idea how to go about it? Let me know in the comments!
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