You’re My Aphrodite

Alex and I have decided to save on our water bill by always showering together, so when it was once sexy to shower together, it has turned into more of “HAHA! BOOBS!” and we usually just poke each other’s belly fat while having philosophical conversations never lasting longer than five minutes.

Where Romance Goes To Die

Where Romance Goes To Die

The other day, I must have looked less ragged than normal and Alex smiles at me, kissing my forehead and whispers, “You’re my Aphrodite.”

I’m flattered, and trying to remember my Greek mythology, and trying to not get in trouble for not saying something romantic back, I quickly respond with, “You’re my Hephaestus.”

Dead Sexy for a Troll

Dead Sexy for a Troll

He pushed me away.  “Seriously?  You had a plethora of Greek gods to choose from, and you choose the stupidest god there is?  The one god that everyone on Olympus hates and is always treated horribly unfairly?  Also, the ugliest god on Olympus?  You think I’m ugly?!”

Of course this backfired on me horribly.  We are just no good at this romance crap 

“He was married to Aphrodite!” I protest.

“Yeah, and she cheated on him nonstop with every other fucking god on Olympus!”

“Fine, you’re my Apollo,” I state, thinking that makes it better.  Of course it doesn’t.

“Oh yes, because I’m such a tan, beautiful athlete with a wild temper.  Try again.”

I’m getting frustrated.  “Fine, you’re my Zeus.”

Alex laughs.  “Then you’re my whore of a wife Hera who also happens to be my sister.”

“It’s funny because your sister and I kind of look alike,” I retort, to which he begins to bang his head on the wall of the shower.

“Why do I even try to be romantic anymore?” he asks, then showing himself out of the shower.

And that, my friends, is how I have artfully killed the mood between Alex and I without even trying.

Have you ever had an instance where you’re trying to be sweet back to your significant other and it just totally backfires?  Have you ever called someone a sweet pet name and it was horribly insulting?  Let me know!

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22 thoughts on “You’re My Aphrodite

    • Hey, we’re nerds. We got this.

      And he is, but it was just SO funny. He was trying to be sweet and romantic and I panicked and was like “Uh… UH… YOU’RE MY HEPHAESTUS!” The actual situation was horribly hilarious and awkward all at once.

    • Actually, I thought he and Leah were switching gender stereotypical roles. Normally I’d expect a wifey to say what Alex said, and a hubby to say what Leah did. *shrug* Shows the silliness of the idea, I guess.

      • I have this horrible habit of having word vomit. And I’m not smooth. At all. Usually he’s not either but he tries to be sweet (and is usually very successful) but I’m a strong believer that love is where the laugh is. So moments like this just confirms that I’m not leaving him anytime soon (probably never).

      • Ah, lacking a filter. I should introduce you to an old blogging friend from Frisco. She has a St. Bernard named Monkey– why she calls her a dog a monkey, I’ll never know.

  1. Alex and I have decided to save on our water bill by always showering together, so when it was once sexy to shower together, it has turned into more of “HAHA! BOOBS!”

    Alex has man boobs? It didn’t look like he did from the picture you shared of him…

    • He has very massive pecks since he can do tons of push ups. Mostly how it goes is that he’ll poke my boobs and giggle and say, “haha! BOOBS!” and so I’ll poke his pecks and be like “MORE BOOBS!” and then he’ll be sad because I said he has boobs.

      • Ah, so he has muscular man boobs. But as long as he doesn’t look like Arnold Schwarzenegger did in his heyday, I don’t think he has anything to worry about 😉

        I have moobs though. *sigh*

  2. This is also why I don’t have nice things. Or relationships. I’m no good with all that. I’m like, “less talking, more sex.” And then they think I only want them for sex and get all huffy. Besides, I’d boff Hephaestus.

    • Chick, I’ve been married almost four years. The first two years we were together we didn’t even talk, it was food and sex. Sometimes we’d grunt at each other.

      But we got into a routine and we realized that we had to actually get to know each other if we were going to make this marriage thing work. Thank heavens we’re actually compatible!

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