Alex and I have decided to save on our water bill by always showering together, so when it was once sexy to shower together, it has turned into more of “HAHA! BOOBS!” and we usually just poke each other’s belly fat while having philosophical conversations never lasting longer than five minutes.
The other day, I must have looked less ragged than normal and Alex smiles at me, kissing my forehead and whispers, “You’re my Aphrodite.”
I’m flattered, and trying to remember my Greek mythology, and trying to not get in trouble for not saying something romantic back, I quickly respond with, “You’re my Hephaestus.”
He pushed me away. “Seriously? You had a plethora of Greek gods to choose from, and you choose the stupidest god there is? The one god that everyone on Olympus hates and is always treated horribly unfairly? Also, the ugliest god on Olympus? You think I’m ugly?!”
Of course this backfired on me horribly. We are just no good at this romance crap
“He was married to Aphrodite!” I protest.
“Yeah, and she cheated on him nonstop with every other fucking god on Olympus!”
“Fine, you’re my Apollo,” I state, thinking that makes it better. Of course it doesn’t.
“Oh yes, because I’m such a tan, beautiful athlete with a wild temper. Try again.”
I’m getting frustrated. “Fine, you’re my Zeus.”
Alex laughs. “Then you’re my whore of a wife Hera who also happens to be my sister.”
“It’s funny because your sister and I kind of look alike,” I retort, to which he begins to bang his head on the wall of the shower.
“Why do I even try to be romantic anymore?” he asks, then showing himself out of the shower.
And that, my friends, is how I have artfully killed the mood between Alex and I without even trying.
Have you ever had an instance where you’re trying to be sweet back to your significant other and it just totally backfires? Have you ever called someone a sweet pet name and it was horribly insulting? Let me know!
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