Sing Me The Song Of Your People (Slightly NSFW)

So this happened recently, and I have got to say it was one of funnier moments that I have with Alex. I had the brilliant idea that we should try to spice things up, and this is not my husband’s forte.  There’s nothing wrong with it, but often times it leads to very peculiar situations.

Me: Hey… talk nerdy to me.

Alex: Beg pardon?

Me: Go ahead, sweet talk me with your nerd lingo.

He takes a long pause to consider the situation.  While he is a romantic, having to do it on the spot causes for horribly awkward situations.  After a few moments, he speaks up.

Alex: Baby, I want to put my skyward sword into your water temple.

Me: … What?

Alex: HYAH! HAAAAAHT!

With as much enthusiasm.

He has this costume…

Me: Uh, try again.

Alex, thinking much faster this time, gives a goofy, sexy grin.

Alex: I wanna squirtle on your jigglypuffs. (Then, in a very deep voice) JIGGLY!

Me: Are you going to take this seriously?

Alex: HYAAAH!

I’m beginning to shake my head in wonder and amazement.  I’m trying not to chuckle, because it might encourage him, but my mind begins to race.  How the fuck can I get him to take this somewhat seriously?

Me: How about some role play?

Alex: That’s right up my alley. What class should I be and what level are we starting at?

Me: Class? Level?  What the fuck are you talking about?

He then goes into a very long dialogue about all the different dungeons and dragons classes.  I used to play, but it has been over six years and I’m a little rusty.

Alex:… And I’m going to need to know what level because I need to know if it’s an introduction campaign or if we’re jumping into an epic one. It doesn’t make that much of a difference, but I need to know what kind of established canon we’re getting into before I commit to my guy’s backstory.

Me: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?

He looks at me, as if I’ve just asked him how a toilet is supposed to flush. He throws his hands in the air and rolls his eyes at me.

Alex: What. Class. Am. I. Going. To. BE?

Oh sweet fucking Jesus, he’s taking this seriously.

Me: You can be a barbarian….. and I’ll be a Paladin I guess?

To be fair, this is how I see myself anyway.

To be fair, this is how I see myself anyway.

I thought this would work, but I accidently lit another powder keg. Alex goes into another long dialogue, but this time extremely pissed off.  Apparently Paladins are naturally chaste and lawful, not whoring themselves out to other explorers.

I didn’t give it two thoughts, but apparently this is something he thinks about far more often than he should.

So I’m a paladin, level 7.  With huge tits that he can’t touch for two weeks, because of mother fucking roleplaying.

Not only did I not get lucky, but he gave me homework.  I have to read the mother fucking D&D handbook so I can understand his fucking foreplay.

Thanks Gygax.

Dick.

Dick.

Anyone else try spicing things up and have it backfire horribly on you? Any similar situations with talking nerdy? Please tell me I’m not alone.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE.

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23 thoughts on “Sing Me The Song Of Your People (Slightly NSFW)

  1. “I wanna squirtle on your jigglypuffs. (Then, in a very deep voice) JIGGLY!” – This is hilarious…and maybe a little messy. You could have always responded, “Well, baby…drop those trousers — I wanna Pikachu!”

  2. haha oh and your husband is right, Paladin’s aren’t exactly sex machines. They are like holy warriors kinda.

    I couldn’t do role play in the bedroom, I’d giggle too much.

    • I just saw that you posted on this. Forgive my lack of response!

      And yeah I kind of gave up. A friend of ours did this HILARiOUS response on my facebook that I’ll be posting on a future post.

      I think I’d giggle too much too because he’d be correcting me on any or all responses.

  3. I love this nerdy stuff. Because I am a nerd. But I have a much weirder…thing. I love when a guy likes something totally boring. Like property law, or the history of the fighter jet. The more they drone on and on about it the more I want to shut them up with my mouth. I know, I am so weird.

    • You’re reminding me of those preppy girls who would play zelda for ten minutes and go OMG I’M SOOO NERDY!

      Then I’d see my husband playing D&D for 9 hour increments and I’d go, “No, he’s nerdy. You are a prep who is playing zelda poorly.”

      And I like boring stuff too. Except property law. That shit is a little too boring.

      Marry a tax lawyer. They’re super boring.

      • Oh no, I am a genuine nerd. I don’t like video games. But I am heavily into sci-fi, comics, graphic novels, fiction, non-fiction. I am obsessed with diseases, plants, and gem stones and fossils and I know a legit nerdy amount of all three. I go fossil hunting. I wear glasses, I am awesome with electronics, and I can craft anything. I think all that counts. I have been to Comic Con and am into Cosplay. Trust me, I am the real deal. You don’t even know. I have been called the Queen of the nerds. And my IT friends all think I have nerd street cred. My only non-nerdy thing is that I don’t like games, in general. Except Scrabble, Boggle, Scattegories, and Crimes Against Humanity.

        But I have played League of Legends, Magic, and Warhammer 40k.

      • I take back everything I said.

        My hubby is the gaming nerd, being big into LoL, Magic, and at one time WOW. Crazy shiz yo.

        I’m a book nerd, but it stops about there. Used to also be huge into Anime and Manga, but I’ve slowed down. My friends in Alaska would make fun of me, and being stupid, decided that I wanted to be friends with people who made fun of me and I decided to not be into it any longer. I still read manga, but not as much as I used to.

      • You shouldn’t cave to peer pressure. Every guy I have ever dated has tried to make me stop being so nerdy or geeky and like “normal” girl things like shoes or shopping or makeup. I usually tell them to like it or find a new girlfriend. I like what I like. Even if it makes me unfeminine or uncool.

      • Yeah I changed my mind since then. Alex found out I liked Anime and told me how he went to an anime convention with his ex selling cat ears and tails, declaring that “CAT EARS CURE CANCER! TAILS CURE HERPES! TOGETHER THEY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT BUT THEY’RE STILL AWESOME!”

        And so I bought the cat ears from his ex because she kind of makes a living on them and they’re awesome. But yeah he had tons of manga in his dorm and he was hiding them from me then he was like OH MY GOD ANIME! and then we spent a weekend watching Miyazaki movies.

        At one point, I had read over 800 manga books total, and I’m OBSESSED with Sailor moon, even now. Did you know that they rebooted it? It’s on Hulu now.

      • I’m not hugely into manga. I like Full Metal Alchemist, and have a tattoo from it. (also going to get a Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter tattoos at some point). And I love movies like Ponyo, My Neighbor Totoro and Howls Moving Castle. I once dated a guy that used to live in Japan and he had original versions of all of them. They were amazing.

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