I Pity The Skinny Girls: UPDATE

UPDATE!  I think there has been a misunderstanding on this post.  When I say “skinny girl,” I guess I should clarify that I mean girls who stand in the mirror, wanting to fix every flaw in their body and hate themselves for it.  I mean girls who only value themselves based on what others say or think about them.  I don’t mean the skinny girls who love going to the gym and eating healthy and love themselves, no matter what anyone else says.  If you are a skinny girl who loves herself, you are not a “skinny girl,” you are a fit girl.  If you’re skinny and fit and happy and you do not judge yourself or others based on their appearance, you are not a “skinny girl,” you are a beautiful woman.  There is no need to get bent out of shape and send me hate mail and write inappropriate comments.  If you are loved for the person that is inside of you instead of what you look like, then you are a healthy, beautiful person.  

This post is not about how I hate girls who look better than me, this post is about how I was able to love myself after twenty four years of hating what I saw in the mirror.  This is a post about every girl who thought her self worth was tied to a number on a scale, when a persons self worth is through their actions and through the beauty of their heart, not the beauty in the mirror.  If I have offended anyone in any way, I apologize, I never meant to cause any ill harm to anyone.

Ever since I was a little girl, for as long as I could remember, I knew I was different.

I grew up in a Minneapolis suburb, where most of the little girls were Scandinavian or German descent, like myself, or they were Hmong or Middle Eastern.  The latter two were very scarce until I was in high school though, and looking back, I could tell by just how I looked that I was different.

I had very pale skin.  My mother had read that a child who gets sun burn badly has a much higher chance of skin cancer so she was very cautious to ensure that we never got sun burn, and it resulted in us not really getting any type of tan either since my brother and I would burn just looking out the window.  I was the tallest girl in my class, ending up being around 5’8” once I finished high school.  My hair is almost black and very thick, my eyes are a very dark brown, and I had monsterous hips at age 10.  My body decided at age ten that I needed to fill out so my hips got wide, I got mosquito bites on my chest (those never really grew much), and I shot up, but one thing about myself never really changed.

I was always the fat kid in class.

When I was in fifth grade, at the ripe age of 11, I weighed nearly 200 pounds.  When I was in sixth grade, I was a size 16.  When I graduated high school, I was nearly 300 pounds and a size 24.  When I got married, I was even heavier and a size 26.  I’ve lost a decent amount of weight since getting married and I’m the same size I was in high school, but how I view myself has changed drastically.

I used to be horribly embarrassed of my weight.  I would apologize to my friends that they had a fat friend like me, and they never understood why I would apologize for that.  I would look in the mirror and think I was ugly because I was heavy.  I would stare in the mirror and find every single flaw with my body, and wonder why I was heavy. When I was first married, I banned all full length mirrors in the house, as well as a scale, because I knew that I would obsess over them.  Why are all of those other girls who are skinny so lucky to be like that?

Like any kid, I was teased relentlessly because of my weight.  In my sophomore year of high school, I was playing dodge ball and one of the kids in my class hit me with the ball and yelled “Out of the way, lard-ass!”  I remember sitting in the locker room nearly in tears, so embarrassed.  Not really mad at him for calling me that, but mad at myself for thinking it was true.

I tried every diet, I tried starving myself, I tried making myself throw up sometimes.  But, alas, I just love food and I hated to be wasteful so I ate.  Everything bothered me.

Once I moved to Alaska, I saw that most of the people I knew were heavy, and they were happy.  I still got some grief from people, once even from my manager at a deli I worked at.  She bought me some weight loss pills and handed them to me with a wink, telling me that customers would like me better if I looked more like my modelesque coworker.

But when I hit around the age of 19, when I got into the dating scene finally, I realized something.

Being fat is awesome.

I went on a date with a decorated soldier once.  He was gorgeous, far out of my league when it came to looks.  We went out for lunch and I ordered a greasy hamburger and devoured it.  Because I was hungry.  He commented on that, and not the way I expected.

“This is why I like dating heavy girls.  They don’t eat those shitty salads.  I’m not afraid to order good food.  You’ll order good food too and we can talk about how awesome the food is!”

I had never thought of it like that, so every time I went on a date, I would order what I wanted to order: delicious, greasy food.

Surprisingly, most men I met loved this.  One time, I had someone ask me why I didn’t order a salad and I gave him a look and said, “Seriously?  Do I look like someone who would ever eat a salad?”

He laughed and we gorged ourselves on ice cream.

Other times, I would have some of my guy friends tell me that they secretly preferred heavier women just based on the fact that “I can always be myself around women who have a few extra pounds.”

My eyes opened to the possibilities.  I realized that everyone is self conscious about the way they look, but there’s no reason to be.

I met my husband a couple of years after moving to Alaska, and he was a gorgeous man who is basically the perfect husband.  He’s six feet and seven inches of awkward, gorgeous hilarity.  And what makes him even better?  He doesn’t care about how heavy I am.  He seems to like it, actually.  He’s never asked me to lose weight, he’s never told me I needed to lose weight, and he always tells me that he thinks I’m beautiful.

And I can out eat him at a buffet and he doesn’t even care.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I pity the skinny girls.

The reason is simple:  those bitches won’t be skinny forever.

Being married to the military, I’ve met many spouses who were skinny and would pretty much live at the gym because their husbands told them that if they gained weight, they would leave them.  And I’ve even met men who have filed for separation or divorces because their wives gained weight.

I’ve been to parties with military spouses whose husbands would tell their wives not to eat something because their dress won’t fit after eating it.  I’ve met men who made sure that their wives went on a diet directly after giving birth because they needed to get that baby weight off now.

The only reason I’m working to drop some weight is for health reasons.  I’m trying to work for the state, and the position I want requires me to be able to do a lot of running and shoot a gun with accuracy, and in order to do that I need to be a little lighter and a lot stronger. I’ve been dieting lately, I’ve been seeing a personal trainer, and I’ve dropped over 20 pounds and my body feels stronger every day.

I’m not doing it for Alex.  I’m not doing it for the world.  I’m losing weight because I want to lose it for my health.

To the skinny girls: If your boyfriend or husband wants to leave you because you might be heavy some day, then guess what, you need to drop him like a bad habit.

Your looks will fade anyway and before you know it, your nipples will be knee high.  Salads are not delicious, no matter what you say.  Unless it’s drowning in dressing, cheese and meat.

I know my husband will love me no matter what because he fell in love with me when I had several hour glasses on my figure.

And I know one thing for certain: No matter what, my mom will always love me.  Who else’s approval do I need in order to be happy?

No ones.  Just my moms.

Have you ever thought you needed someone elses approval, only to realize that it was for a stupid reason?  Have you ever hated yourself, only to realize that it was for no reason at all?  I want to hear about your experiences, your struggles, and your triumph to love yourself.

 

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24 thoughts on “I Pity The Skinny Girls: UPDATE

  1. Oh, I have had issues with food, and body image, even when I was not obese. My mother’s family was rather messed up this way, and my father had to work VERY hard to convince my grandfather that the weight has largely been due to psych meds and chronic pain.

    If you’ve been following Cimmy– she’s not skinny by any stretch– technically, she is more overweight, relatively speaking, than I am. There are times where I wish she was thinner again, but, weight has pretty little to do with why I love her. We’ve lost weight together, and we can do it again. My mind is broad enough to love a broad who is broad where a broad should be broad, and to love more than just what I see (although I love well enough what I see… I just have to get in a more Rubenesque perspective).

    • I keep meaning to go read her blog.  I need a week of just blog reading in order to catch up.

      Loving yourself is always hard, and you love cimmy, and that’s all that matters 🙂

      Sent from my Galaxy S®III

  2. Oh, I might have to write a novel in response to this. I apologize in advance.

    I have a serious eating disorder. I was always made fun of for my tallness and thinness. I dated horrible men that made me feel awful about myself and my appearance, I dated men that called me fat when I was a size 6. And I am 6’1″. I dated men that warned me to not get the large salad. To not get the fries. To not eat chocolate. Or they wouldn’t be attracted to me. I hated my body.

    I have gained a lot of weight since my heart surgeries. I am a size 12-14 now. I mostly date men that think I am attractive at this size. Sometimes they suggest I lose weight, but I stop seeing those idiots. I barely like how I look, but I am working on it.

    Unfortunately, my mother thinks I need to lose weight, She uses every conversation as an opportunity to suggest I lose weight. And every time I see her she reminds me of how fat I am now compared to how I used to be.

    But I don’t WANT to be how I used to be.

    I am sorry you had to experience torment at the hands of a bunch of idiotic children. I am glad you are happy with yourself. I am glad you have your husband.

    And I also pity the skinny girls. I used to be one.

    • You are a recovering skinny girl! YEAH!

      And I love your novel length comment. It fills me with the happys.

      Moms tend to always want the best for their daughters, but sometimes they don’t realize some of the damage they’re doing.

      You’re super tall, you’re allowed to have a couple extra pounds.

      if we ever get together, let’s eat ten loaves of french bread 😉

      • Yeah, my mother and I got into a huge fight about it the other day and I made it very clear that I never want to discuss my weight with her ever again. Good for me!

        I’m not sure I can eat 5 loaves of bread. But I’ll try.

  3. As someone who has had an eating disorder I have a very contentious relationship with food. My husband supports me and is amazing. When I was so sick last year I gained 50 pounds and I nearly lost it, it being my sense of self. I have been fit and curvy my whole life. My entire image was based on being the smartest and being fit. So when I gained that weight I didn’t know what to do. As a 16 year ballet vet, my body images issues are always present. I’m getting better now. I’m learning to love my body. My husband tells me every day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. If it weren’t for him I’d never gotten through it. Also, the best way I have found to deal with this new weight (is to work out, gently bc of my horrible knees) but realize I finally got the boobs I always wanted.

    Leah, I love you, but, salad is amazing with just olive oil and balsamic vinegar or just plain. It’s so freaking good.

    • Rissa,

      I had no idea that you had an eating disorder. And you’re a latina, your mom says that because of that, you are inclined to love salad.

      It’s really hard to love yourself. It took me 24 years and it’s still a work in progress. I think every woman in the world will have some sort of eating disorder in their life, and they’ll always think there’s something wrong.

      I still hate my belly fat. But alas, I’ll probably always have it.

      And I love how you look at it now: I HAVE BOOBS!

  4. This is timely with my fitbit post, haha. Ugh… weight… I’ve obsessed over it more than I care to admit. I used to be a fair amount heavier than I am now… before I went to China, and when I came back. For me, it was mostly tied up in just not taking care of myself. I’m totally that person who eats her emotions… and drinks them… haha. But I’ve never successfully gotten in better shape by trying to shame myself or set up some guilt-induced pursuit of keeping a guy or making him more attracted. No way. That’s a quick way to end up eating a pizza + a bottle of wine + Ben & Jerrys.

    I come from a family of ridiculously fit, petite people. Well… the Sister in Laws are petite. And they’ve made passing remarks about how much I eat or how I need to work out, etc. It always stings. I can’t imagine what you endured in school though, children can be so cruel.

    Anyways– the 21 pounds is exciting! I hope you get the job!!!

  5. Good article. I grew up a skinny girl- I loved food and good out eat any male- even the college athletes I was dating. However, I still had body issues and the crazy high metabolism didn’t last forever. You cannot imagine how much pressure there is when you are skinny. You cannot imagine how many people gloat when you are no longer the skinny one. I gained weight and finally it is starting to come off. Funny thing is, once it started coming off and the belly started getting flatter and my back is looking pretty awesome- I started stressing over the possibility that I could gain it back and let everybody down because I couldn’t hang on to the gift of being skinny. Whatever…
    Anyway, my great husband thinks I am beautiful no matter what I have never felt pressure from him. For that I am grateful. We are who we are and valuable no matter our weight.

    • No I cant imagine the pressure,  and I hate to say that im definitely a person who would gloat.  To me though, I would  only gloat to those who tormented me.  

      Welcome to the fun side, we have donuts.

      But in all seriousness,  im sorry you were under that much pressure.

      Sent from my Galaxy S®III

    • We should all enjoy life. Everyone has something that they enjoy, for us non skinny girls, we like wine, donuts, chocolate and everything else. I’ve met people who think that a good time is running ten miles a day. Something I will NEVER understand. Alas, I’ve always found reading a good book in a hammock is probably the best way to pass the time.

      Thank you for commenting 🙂

  6. This is really sad. I weigh 116 lbs and I’m not skinny. I’m fit. And I’m fit because it makes me feel good. I have struggled with depression for most of my life, and exercise is an excellent treatment to add to antidepressants and therapy. I feel my best when I’m kicking butt in the gym and showing myself how strong I am. I feel amazing when I meet the goals I set for myself. It gives me a reason to get out of bed and not feel dead all the time. Endorphins help me. I don’t do it for my man’s approval, but running together and trying healthy new foods together is a lovely part of our relationship. Does he absolutely love my body? Yes, but it’s not a requirement for our relationship. He’s a Marine, and neither of us appreciate this stereotype of military men and the women who love them. He’s just happy to see me happy. Don’t pity me for being a size 2. But I’ll sure as hell pity you for being a judgmental, arrogant, and sad individual. Loving a man in the military is not an easy life. You could be less judgmental of other women who deal with your struggles. Not to mention that you would screech if someone wrote a post called “I Pity The Fat Girls.”

    • My dear, I think you misunderstand my post.

      By my standards, you are not a “skinny girl” and by that, I mean you’re not a girl who’s starving herself for her man’s approval, or for the approval of society. When I say “skinny girl,” I mean the girls who are so terrified of being overweight that they torture themselves for it. I mean the girls who are so afraid of being anything but who they really are. I have many friends who are a size zero and size two and are very happy who they are and do not judge anyone. I am not “judging” anyone as you may say, I am saying that I feel bad for the girls who feel they need to please everyone in order to feel some sort of happiness.

      I envy your ability to enjoy exercise— I’ve never liked it and probably never will. I also envy your likeness for healthy food—something I have never been blessed with. You are a happy and athletic girl, not a skinny girl. There is a difference.

      Thank you for your comment, even if you did insult me at the end of it.

    • Appreciate your story there. But I do highly recommend you re-read this story a few times, and then a little bit more of the blog– because I think you’re taking some stuff WAY out of context, not to mention I find what you said judgmental and arrogant itself.

      Yes, I’m a regular reader, so I think I’ve got some justification.

  7. Oh, hey, let’s judge skinny girls by assuming we know everything about their bodies, lifestyles, relationships, goals, and motives! But we’re not allowed to do that to fat girls!

    • This post is not about judging— it’s about loving yourself. Girls who are starving themselves for the approval of others do not love themselves, they only see their worth based on how others view them. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that’s acceptable to go on in our society.

      I’m not saying skinny girls who are like that and love themselves. I’m saying skinny girls who look in the mirror and think they’re ugly, when they’re actually beautiful. Learn the difference. There are fat girls who are the exact same way.

  8. I have such a strange relationship with food, and weight.

    I’m thin, but working out and being strong is really important to me. My weight fluctuates, depending on a lot of factors.

    I worry not about anything other people say. My biggest issue is gaining a few pounds and not fitting into my clothes right. I HATE that feeling. I don’t want, nor can I afford, a wardrobe in many sizes. So I just squeeze into shit and feel uncomfortable. Yuck.

    • Haha, and there’s nothing wrong with that! So you’re not a “skinny girl” you’re a “fit girl” and a “food girl”.

      I hate gaining weight, my clothes never fit right and when I lose I have to buy new clothes that also don’t fit right lol

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