So recently I’ve been on this super healthy diet which has caused me to lose 20 pounds in 7 weeks and go down a pant size, a shirt size, and my belly skin to be super elastic and cottage cheesy. It’s kind of weird and awesome all at once. I have the absolute sexiest muffin top around.
But a few weeks ago, I was just craving hard shell tacos.
I know, weird craving right?
No, I’m not pregnant. I just wanted Tacos more than anything else in the universe.
But I had to keep it healthy. Corn tortillas are healthier than flour tortillas, especially since I was trying to be low carb and low gluten for my diet. So I made this slow cooker pork taco meat with lots of black beans, and I was trying to find a way to bake these corn tortillas. Since I was struggling so horrifically, I decided to go everywhere in Shreveport to find a taco shell baker.
I thought that this would be super easy to find, considering Shreveport has just about every type of store imaginable. I tried World Market, Target, Wal Mart, even a few local businesses, but to no avail. I was getting frustrated. Finally, I asked some random people where they thought I could find a magical device that could bake corn tortillas into perfect taco shells.
The guy at World Market told me there were four Mexican groceries in Shreveport. So I went on a search for one of these magical Mexican groceries.
TWO HOURS LATER I finally found one. Less than two miles from my house. I was in the entirely wrong part of town. Apparently I live right next to little Mexico. I never even noticed. Seriously.
I was nervous walking in there, so I stood outside and saw that it was a hole in the wall Mexican store. The sign said “Fresh Tacos” and a bunch of stuff in Spanish that I couldn’t understand.
I walked in and everyone in the store was middle aged and Mexican. From what I heard, they also didn’t speak English. I heard no English spoken. All five people in the store stared at me like I was a leprechaun or something.
So I start to peruse around the store, finding tortilla presses, tortilla salad bowl makers, tortillas, a bunch of different spicy candies… You know, lots of stuff that I would have no idea how to use. The people in the store watched me very carefully.
Finally, after a few minutes, I walk up to the counter and the man behind the counter, who is very obviously from the homeland, says in a perfect, southern accent, “Hello Ma’am, how can I help you?”
I stared at him in total disbelief for a few seconds. I almost got pissed from how surprised I was. “Uh, yeah, I need a tortilla baker or warmer.”
Then he started speaking Spanish to me. “Ah, si, ma’am we have tortilla warmer. We have tortilla maker. You no know how make tortilla though. Here, this one is sombrero tortilla warmer.” To which he handed me this weird Sombrero warmer.
I don’t remember exactly everything he said because every other word was Spanish, but I remember chasing him across the store trying to keep up with his frantic running. I had to give him credit, he was trying to be very helpful. I ended up buying 100 corn tortillas for four dollars, because I felt bad not buying anything. Then it wasn’t enough for my debit card so I bought a bottle of carbonated water to make it five.
Got home, used my muffin tin and made super weird shaped tortillas.
[ I then called my friend Val, who was raised by parents who were Mexican and she was raised with English as a second language. I told her next time I’m calling her to translate for me, and she said no.
So that’s how I ended up with far too many tortillas and making tacos every night for a week.
And I’m still eating those damn tortillas.
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