That Time I Peed On Alex: A True Story

Now, I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy.  And I’m not crazy, at least I think I’m not.  And I know I have posted a blog once about wetting the bed, but that time was an accident.

This particular time, it was on purpose.

Okay, to be fair, I didn’t think he’d notice.

You know what?  I’m just going to tell the story in its entirety and you can laugh all you want later.

It was my very first big military function.  The AMXS/MXS Christmas party.  A lot of different shops were there, there were tons of people, and we had been voluntold to go by several different people.  Luckily, we didn’t have to pay for our tickets.  Alex’s shop chief at that time got the tickets for us and we decided to go.

Earlier that evening, Alex and I were having a few friends over for a session of Dungeons and Dragons.  Well, actually, they were playing Pathfinder, which is basically Dungeons and Dragons.  Only a nerd will know the difference.

After his friends had left, we had two people who also had to go to this god forsaken military function.  I went and hopped in the shower, and Alex followed me in right after I hopped in, stating that it would be faster and save water if she showered together.

Since we usually shower together to save on water, I had no objections.

Except I really, really had to pee.

Seriously, I was about to piss myself.

And he wouldn’t hurry up and I still had to wash and condition my hair, so me getting out was out of the question.  I didn’t want to get water all over the floor to just get back in the shower, and I figured I would just pee in the shower once he got out.

But he was taking forever.

So I decided that it was either let my bladder explode or pee in the shower.

With Alex standing in front of the drain.

I had no choice, at least, I thought I had no choice.

So I peed.

And about ten seconds after I peed a tiny bit so my bladder wouldn’t explode, Alex decides to suddenly become a drama queen.

“DID YOU JUST PEE?!”

He screamed this so loudly, that everyone in our apartment complex could hear him.

I know that the two friends of ours in the living room heard his scream of terror.                                      

“I really had to go,” I said, feeling pretty embarrassed.  He shook his head and got out of the shower, to which I felt much more relief.

We went to the function which ended up being absolutely awful.  I learned that you never go to a function in jeans and you always wear make up, otherwise you are ignored.  I didn’t even have the luxury of alcohol because I was the designated driver.

After we get home, our two friends who rode with us are getting ready to leave and my good friend, who is actually at this new base with us, decides to speak up.

“Uh, I have a confession…”

My other friend who is no longer in the military steps forward too, and he begins laughing.  “We heard your conversation earlier.  The one in the shower.”

Apparently these two were at the verge of tears from how funny it was that I peed on Alex’s foot.

So I did what any adult would do.

I went into my room and cried into the pillow, swearing to never leave the house again.

Now whenever I drink with friends, I tell people this story because it’s ungodly hilarious.

 

Question time!  Have you ever peed on your spouse on purpose?  Ever done anything horribly embarrassing that seemed like a decent idea at the time? 

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17 thoughts on “That Time I Peed On Alex: A True Story

  1. Well, actually, they were playing Pathfinder, which is basically Dungeons and Dragons. Only a nerd will know the difference.

    My long-time DM calls it D&D 3.7, and sent Cimmy and I a digital copy of the ruleset– it was created by ex-WotC employees, too, if I understand it right. Will you sign my nerd card, please?

    Have you ever peed on your spouse on purpose?

    Yep. Lots. Ask her. Next question…

    Ever done anything horribly embarrassing that seemed like a decent idea at the time?

    Um, I sharted today…? Hey, you asked. Are you sorry you asked now? There’s your TMFI for today, I guess…

  2. This made me giggle. I’ve never peed on anyone (that I recall) but this total weirdo I dated about a year ago WANTED me to pee in the shower. Like… he thought it was the most natural thing ever and was like “just do it!” and thought it was funny. For the record, I didn’t. Gah, he was so odd.

    • Ah! That’s so insanely awkward yet awesome all at the same time!

      Alex still teases me about doing that and whenever we shower together he usually says “So are you going to pee on me this time?” and I want to get mad and just pee on him just to prove that HE CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Then I remember that I’m trying to not be super weird and I’m failing horribly.

    • Nothing weird with odd people. Alex and I always do really weird stuff. Not kinky weird, just really weird. Like we’ll run around stores and do bird calls to avoid each other.

      … However, he did laugh at me peeing in the shower. He told me to never do it again, but he still giggled quite a bit.

  3. At least it was in the shower so it washed away immediately….I’ve nearly been peed on three times (twice by the same person) living in a backpackers hostel in Ireland….I had the bottom bunk and the pee-er was in the top bunk. Bombed out of their skulls (waaaaayyyy too much alcohol) and basically, well…. luckily I woke up in time to realise what was going on every time, so got myself and all my gear out of the way in time, but still……

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