Posted on Awkward Yet Hilarious, Ranting, Uncategorized

Why Being A Housewife Sucks

So my mom pointed out that I cuss far too often for my own good, so every time I want to say the “f” word, I’m going to put “FLUFFY BUNNIES”

So I recently quit my job at the bowling alley due to conflicting interests.  Probably the best decision I ever made, and I’m currently doing stocking at a store where nobody bothers me and I’m left to my own devices.  It’s FLUFFY BUNNIES awesome.

 

So here is my FLUFFY BUNNIES list of why it FLUFFY BUNNIES sucks to be a housewife.

1.You get Filipino Vision

I swear, I’m not racist.  I usually call it “Gina” vision because I worked with a Filipino lady named Gina who would always clean.  This woman’s house was so clean, you could eat off her floors.  She would work for eight hours then go home and clean for another eight.  She once canceled a vacation to Denali National Park so she could clean her house.  When I called her once, she said she was cleaning and I even said “What the FLUFFY BUNNIES are you cleaning?” and she would say, in a dark, hissing voice, “Everything is dirty.”

I always imagined Gollum from lord of the rings when she said that.  “Must clean the precious house… SO DIRTYYYY”

2.  You go out of your way to make elaborate food only to be afraid to eat it

This probably makes absolutely no sense to those who are not conscious of your weight.  I’m a chubby girl.  I refuse to go up another pant size.  Last time I went up a pant size, I found out in a fitting room and Alex had to hug me while I cried in the fitting room.  So I’ve been cautious when cooking tasty foods because I know that if it’s delicious, I will devour every single FLUFFY BUNNIES bite.  Chocolate never lasts more than an hour at my house.  I can’t buy chocolate or I eat all of it.  But lately, I’ve been making bread.  And while I’m not a bread person, it’s impossible to resist fresh bread out of the oven.

3.  The cleaning never ends

Maybe I’m a horribly sloppy person, maybe I have a haunted house, I don’t know.  I’m pretty sure that my dogs grow hands when we sleep and destroy everything in the house and I’m too forgetful to notice.  I spent three hours straight cleaning today, and I can already tell I’ll be spending at least another three FLUFFY BUNNIES hours cleaning the house.

4.  You never stop brushing the dog

My poor dogs.  I’ve been brushing them everyday so there isn’t fur on everything.  The bitches clogged my FLUFFY BUNNIES vacuum.

Alright, no more fucking FLUFFY BUNNIES.  I’m done with it.

5.  You’re bored out of your mind.

Seriously, how did fifties housewives do this?  I’ve been doing this for two weeks and I’m about ready to stab Alex with a rusty spoon.  I’ve been told that kids help, but I’m not getting knocked up so I’m not bored anymore.  I’m working on getting a new job that’s full time, and I’m a full time student, and I do this, but fucking seriously, I sleep all the time to pass the time.

I can’t think of anything else, but if anyone can come up with anything else, please share.  WHY WOULD BEING A HOUSEWIFE SUCK DONKEY BALLS?!

Thanks y’all.

26 thoughts on “Why Being A Housewife Sucks”

  1. You’re so right…especially about the cleaning…I am ALWAYS cleaning and I wake up to a messy house. I know who’s to blame for that…THE MIDNIGHT SNACKER! Also if your children are young, you’ll note that quote is from a treehouse tv program, Ziggy.

    Also it sucks because you have to watch kid appropriate things instead of Dexter.

      • That is lucky…I haven’t even attempted to watch Dexter, because I know I’d likely get addicted and then be unable to fulfill my need to see ALL episodes because kids. Lol

    • As to kid appropriate things, Jess:

      My daugher is 11. Two funny things on that.
      1. We had the swear talk some years back. I listed some common swear words, no censoring, explained what they meant. I said something like, “I don’t want you using these words in polite company, and if you have to use them, use them as they are meant.” She chooses now not to swear despite my bad example, but… that doesn’t mean her favorite YouTube videos don’t have swears. One of her favorite Minecraft vids dropped a “motherf…” and I yelled, “Damn it, the only person I want to hear saying ‘fuck’ around here is me!”
      2. We watched Robocop 2 together on broadcast TV. I’d forgotten how gory it was, when Cain got transplanted to the machine. We talked about it, it was cool. Then when we were playing the arcade game based on the movie, she went to great length to explain to me the game did a horrible job of depicting Robocop smashing Cain’s brain (and what the movie scene looked like).

      • My younger one is 6– we thought some age difference would help, but they still fight.

        I wouldn’t wish for it to be over too soon– I see babies and toddlers and think about when mine were that young. I think it’s best to just enjoy your kids as best you can, where they are. Then the memories are happy comparisons and not so much wistful nostalgia.

      • Very true! I try to recall this thought when they’re at their most frustrating haha 😉 from what I hear, all ages have obstacles and you always miss the ages they were. That’s definitely proven true so far!

      • Oh, my son has autism, so… yeah. Some stuff he does is just him being a boy, and him being 6, and some is his developmental delays.

        But I wouldn’t trade any of it. Something just clicked when he was born, something that said to me, “You need to straighten up so he understands what it is to be a man.”

        I love my children. They bless my life and Cimmy’s life so much.

  2. First things first. I’m not a housewife. I didn’t marry my house. I’m a homemaker. That said, second, I agree on just about everything you said. Much as I love being a mom, I’m not fond of the repetitive nature of house cleaning. Just when you’ve cleaned a room and you think you’ve made some progress, someone comes along and makes the room messy all over again. I could go on, but I’d just be depressing everyone who visits. So I’ll stop.
    Finally, interesting way to prevent yourself from cursing online.

  3. Ah, noooo cleaning, no. I always had these lofty intentions of being independently wealthy and being a stay-at-home-writer with a cleaning service but so far this is not panning out… I let my boyfriend know that I read “Lean In” and he has to help me with 50% of the housework if we get married. Because that’s basically what that book is about.

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