So my mom pointed out that I cuss far too often for my own good, so every time I want to say the “f” word, I’m going to put “FLUFFY BUNNIES”
So I recently quit my job at the bowling alley due to conflicting interests. Probably the best decision I ever made, and I’m currently doing stocking at a store where nobody bothers me and I’m left to my own devices. It’s FLUFFY BUNNIES awesome.
So here is my FLUFFY BUNNIES list of why it FLUFFY BUNNIES sucks to be a housewife.
1.You get Filipino Vision
I swear, I’m not racist. I usually call it “Gina” vision because I worked with a Filipino lady named Gina who would always clean. This woman’s house was so clean, you could eat off her floors. She would work for eight hours then go home and clean for another eight. She once canceled a vacation to Denali National Park so she could clean her house. When I called her once, she said she was cleaning and I even said “What the FLUFFY BUNNIES are you cleaning?” and she would say, in a dark, hissing voice, “Everything is dirty.”
I always imagined Gollum from lord of the rings when she said that. “Must clean the precious house… SO DIRTYYYY”
2. You go out of your way to make elaborate food only to be afraid to eat it
This probably makes absolutely no sense to those who are not conscious of your weight. I’m a chubby girl. I refuse to go up another pant size. Last time I went up a pant size, I found out in a fitting room and Alex had to hug me while I cried in the fitting room. So I’ve been cautious when cooking tasty foods because I know that if it’s delicious, I will devour every single FLUFFY BUNNIES bite. Chocolate never lasts more than an hour at my house. I can’t buy chocolate or I eat all of it. But lately, I’ve been making bread. And while I’m not a bread person, it’s impossible to resist fresh bread out of the oven.
3. The cleaning never ends
Maybe I’m a horribly sloppy person, maybe I have a haunted house, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure that my dogs grow hands when we sleep and destroy everything in the house and I’m too forgetful to notice. I spent three hours straight cleaning today, and I can already tell I’ll be spending at least another three FLUFFY BUNNIES hours cleaning the house.
4. You never stop brushing the dog
My poor dogs. I’ve been brushing them everyday so there isn’t fur on everything. The bitches clogged my FLUFFY BUNNIES vacuum.
Alright, no more fucking FLUFFY BUNNIES. I’m done with it.
5. You’re bored out of your mind.
Seriously, how did fifties housewives do this? I’ve been doing this for two weeks and I’m about ready to stab Alex with a rusty spoon. I’ve been told that kids help, but I’m not getting knocked up so I’m not bored anymore. I’m working on getting a new job that’s full time, and I’m a full time student, and I do this, but fucking seriously, I sleep all the time to pass the time.
I can’t think of anything else, but if anyone can come up with anything else, please share. WHY WOULD BEING A HOUSEWIFE SUCK DONKEY BALLS?!