When I was facebooking one day, as many people tend to do, I ended up talking to my friend Shannon, someone I went to college with and is a perfect example of what Alaskans are like. She’s odd, funny, gun loving, outspoken, and overall just a ball to hang out with. I haven’t seen in her in god knows how long, but whenever I message her, I always end up laughing out loud.
This is how our conversation went. She messaged me because she posted a status that said “I’m in love with my ex” to which I was like WTF?! So this is how it all started.
Shannon: It’s a game. You should have never commented. The person who likes/comments has to choose one of the following to post as his/her Status. 1. We eloped! 2. We’re getting married.3. We’re engaged 4. Wedding bells 5. Engagement ring 6. I’m moving to another country. 7. I’m expecting 8. Ultrasound 9. I just bought a new Ferrari. 10. I just got a pet Alligator. 11. I’m still in love with my ex. 12. I’m in love with a stripper. 13. I’m a stripper on weekends. Note: You cannot explain anything, just post and leave it up for a few days and INBOX only your victims. I apologize (but not really, because I was a ‘victim’ too). Also, yes, it would be VERY bad if I were still in love with my ex. He was an emotionally abusive asshole.
- Me: FUCK! I guess I have a pet alligator now.
Shannon: THAT WAS MY EXACT RESPONSE. Oh man I was hoping you’d go with Alligator.
Me: Because I’m in Louisiana? It IS believable here.
Shannon: That is precisely why.
Me: If I said anything about a baby I’d get a shitload of angry calls from my family. They’d be like YOU CAN’T FUCKING CALL AND TELL US! WE’RE VISITING and I’d be like NO DON’T DO THAT! FUCK!
Shannon: Right? Me too. Ohhh man I miss you.
Me: I misss you too. I miss Alaska. I miss Fairbanks. Fairbanks was home. Shreveport is just fairy country, but not even real fairies. Just drunk cajuns who talk weird.*
Shannon: Hahaha now I’m imagining disney-esque fairies with beer bellies swerving drunkenly through the air. Bibbidee-bobeddee-buuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrp!
To which I laughed way more than I should have. Then I decided to look up pictures of drunk Cajun fairies. The only result was pictures of Sookie Stackhouse and various pictures of porn.
Well played, google, well played.
*Note: When I say talk weird, I mean differently than me. I’ve been told I talk very strangely because I’m from Minnesota, so I really can’t say anything about talking weird.